I saw a commercial on t.v the other day where the Mom takes a sick day and the Dad starts freaking out because the next day is their daughter’s birthday. You know, like a Mom cold vs a Dad cold.

It’s pretty hilarious.

Mostly because it’s true for most women.

For me, I have an incredibly supportive husband when I am sick.

He vacuums, washes floors, puts laundry away etc.  He brings me medicine and takes the kids out of the house so I can rest up. I love this about him.  He’s very considerate of me when I need to take a rare sick day. In fact, my husband could totally pull off a birthday party without me. I mean, it won’t be as good, but he could and would do it.

We are totally a team.

Until he is sick.

I’m not as supportive.

Mostly, because he is so annoying. He has no sickness etiquette.

Do you get what I mean?

When women are sick, we have an etiquette. We know the rules. You don’t get more than one day sick, which is usually two hours in the afternoon,  and you stay in bed so that no one else gets sick. And then after you are sick you take disinfectant wipes and clean all the door handles and light switches.

HOW HARD IS THAT TO FOLLOW?!?!

When he is sick he is such a big baby. He moves around the house spreading his sickness from room to room to room.  He becomes obsessed with telling me everytime he takes an advil, or nyquil or makes a tea with honey.  He feels the need to share with me how many times he woke up in the night, how many kleenexes he used, how many times he barfed and how long of a hot shower he just stood in.

Stood.

He had to stand.

Poor guy.

But after 17 years of being a couple, I have no sympathy for him.

I am not a team player when he is sick.

Sure, I take the kids out for the day so he can get some rest.

I just don’t get it.

When he is sick it lasts for daaaaaaaaaaaays.

Want to hear a horrible secret?

Be ready for this because it is absolutely horrible.

Recently, my husband had a 2 night stay in the hospital and there was a part of me that was mad at him for getting to go away for two nights.

I know.

What kind of asshole thinks that?

Or says that to her husband while he is sharing a room with a man who coughs all night and keeps setting off his “stay in bed” alarm?

Not me.

Nooooooo.

Never.

Sure I was worried about him and I knew he was very very ill. But had this been in the first 5 years of our relationship I might have cared a bit more.  I probably would have brought him flowers in the hospital and rubbed his feet.

Don’t get me wrong, I brought him fresh pj’s, toothbrush, gotch, candies and a magazine.

I’m not all monster.

We had a good laugh about it after the fact, you know, once it was confirmed that he wasn’t dying.

I guess that’s what makes a good team, in sickness and in health.