I have found myself at a crossroads. I have always, always loved Halloween and yet hated it at the same time. You see, there are so many things to love about Halloween but there are also several damn things to hate.

Firstly, I am jumpy enough on a good day and the closer we get to Halloween the jumpier shit gets. In fact, my kids think the jumpiness is fucking HILARIOUS and soon they start jumping out of everywhere. ALL THE TIME. Not only that but sometimes even shopping becomes bullshit, especially if we are at a Halloween store to go shopping for costumes. Have you ever walked past something you thought was just, well nothing, only to have it literally start moving and screaming at you? I have. And I screamed. Right in the middle of the store. At the top of my lungs. Needless to say, everyone stared at me. My kids laughed and I had a fucking meltdown and left.

I DO NOT LIKE TO BE SCARED.

I just don’t fucking like it.

There is quite literally, no positive to that part for me.

I love to see my kids in their costumes all happy! It makes me beam with pride. I do not, however, like how damned expensive the costumes are to begin with. I ALSO hate making them have to wear full snowsuits under them. I ALSO REALLY hate watching them agonize over which costume they want… only to have them change their minds last second. MAKE UP YOUR MINDS… There is very little difference between a fucking pony and a unicorn.

I love to hand out the candy to the kids and see them all in their funny little costumes.  I DO NOT love having to purchase hoards of candy only to realize that I am short, or way over every single year. There is no happy medium

. EVER. I either have not enough and I am left scrounging through the cupboards to find candy I hid from the kids, or I have enough to sink a battleship and need to glue my mouth shut to keep from inhaling it all.

I love choosing the pumpkins and even carving them and toasting the seeds. I hate the smell of the pumpkin guts though; I hate the mess they create, and I hate having to dispose of them once Halloween is over. I also hate how fucking expensive they are.

I like the way the decorations look but I hate ripping them down.

I love when Halloween is on a weekend but absolutely HATE when it is on a weekday. Who wants to try to usher two excited children to bed when they could be eating a buttload of candy? No one, it’s like wrangling drunk leopards, or gerbils, or whatever they decided last minute to dress up as this year.

My point here is that Halloween is fantastic and annoying at the exact same ti

 

me and while there are things I love about it, I will be slightly glad when it is over and I can go shopping without worrying about something screaming at me randomly, causing me to almost pee my pants in public. Or when I no longer have to worry about costumes or candy. Or when I do not have to care about pumpkins or decorations. Nope, Halloween and I have a love hate relationship and I am ready for Christmas.

Jen is a 32 year old work at home mother of two wonderful little cherubs age 7 and 10. She writes for ninjamommers.com with a 7 year old on her head, a dog barking at nothing and a 10 year old making weird noises in her ear. Send Wine.