The back to school season is upon us. In fact, some have already sent their little ones backpacking out the door and celebrated this special occasion with a morning mimosa. No? Just me? Kidding, my kids haven’t gone back to school yet. In fact, they do not start until the first week of September, so we are almost there.

This year I can not decide if back to school is going to be bliss or if these little cherubs are going to be so missed, I can’t function. I mean, I love them and always miss them when they are at school, but this summer has been quite the mess of bullshit but back to school can also provide some crap.

You see, I was not nearly as smart as Kyla and her ambitious summer squares. (Jeez lady you are making me look bad.) In fact, I spent a lot of the time pulling out my hair trying to figure out how I was going to work from home while these kids were actually in it. No matter what I did, they were distracting as fuck and I was really not into the idea of just plopping them in front of video games all damn summer. SOOOO alas I am not entirely sure if I will be in bliss that first day back to school or annoyed and stressed out by the extra shit that comes with it.

Let’s break this shit down…

The BLISS Part of Back to School

• No more begging for a zillion snacks.
• No more fielding questions about freezies.
• They won’t be fighting – At least not in my house.
• I can finally shit alone again.
• Fuck the public pool, that shit is closed.
• I can work in peace.
• The house will remain clean for longer than 2 seconds.
• I can take a lunch break and actually eat without indigestion.
• I will miss their little faces, which reminds me I am not totally awful.
• My utility bills will greatly decrease because there won’t be so many little people standing with the fridge open, keeping every light in the house on and insisting that they absolutely MUST run the tap for 80 fucking years.

The Annoying Part of Back to School

• School lunches.
• Back to school shopping.
• The first day trying to figure out who their teachers are while climbing through a sea of kids and parents.
• Having to get up super early.
• Phone calls from the school when your child decides they are in the UFC on the playground.
• The school lunches they don’t eat smashed into the bottom of their backpacks.
• When they lose their shoes/coats/socks and I have to retrieve them from a really gross smelling lost and found room.
• HOMEWORK BATTLES.
• Having to make sure they are properly dressed.
• GROSS ILLNESSES.
• I WILL FUCKING MISS THEM.

While back to school comes with some very blissful moments. Moments that allow me to be more productive, there are also some pretty annoying parts. SO, I suppose while I am looking forward to the silence, I am almost dreading it as well. Guess I am a fucking glutton for punishment.

Jen is a 32 year old work at home mother of two wonderful little cherubs age 7 and 10. She writes for ninjamommers.com with a 7 year old on her head, a dog barking at nothing and a 10 year old making weird noises in her ear. Send Wine.