Oh, I know when I got a good thing going. I’m smarter than the guy who brought the Tim Horton’s franchise to town. Wanna know why? Well, when Shauna writes for Mommy’s Weird, people tune in ….. so listen up Weirdies,  she’s back and I am totally honoured that she has  graced Mommy’s Weird with her awesomeness. 

 

 

If you were a kid who grew up in the 80’s/90’s and come from small town Manitoba you will understand the true horror of my Facebook status the other day:

“Hey mom can I show you the new song we learned on our recorders? It’s called Hot Cross Buns! Ok, now I have to go practice.” Oh dear god.

The third grade in my opinion is where that tragic 8 years of awkwardness we all go through begins. 10 years if you’re a boy. Gangly bodies. Arms and legs that are too long for torsos. Disastrous teeth. And by that I mean lots have fallen out, some have grown back in. But the majority are only part way in and not at all where they’re supposed to be. Girls trying to do their own hair. Boys not getting that they even have hair. You know?

So it should really come as no surprise that as an intro to band the school would pair a bunch of awkward kids with the most awkward musical instrument known to man.

The recorder.

I don’t know about the rest of the world, but my Manitoba friends know exactly what I’m talking about. It was mandatory to take recorder in music class. For those of you who do not know what a recorder is, let me explain. Wiki says a recorder is “a woodwind musical instrument of the family known as fipple flutes —whistle-like instruments. The recorder is end-blown and the mouth of the instrument is constricted by a wooden plug. It is distinguished from other members of the family by having holes for seven fingers.”

So, what they’re saying is it’s basically a giant fucking whistle. But because it has holes for your fingers it can be “played”, therefore it can be classified as an “instrument.”

Wiki also says that the recorder was used in Medieval Times. Do you know what I associate with Medieval Times?

Torture.

3 kids later, it’s all making sense to me now.

If you liked this post from Shauna you will like the other magnificent crap she has written for Mommy’s Weird.  In this one, I am pretty sure she calls her sons teacher an asshole and then on this one she bitched about her life long commitment to Elf on the Shelf and it got shared like 3 billion times.