We have a house cleaner.

I know, I know.

We are so very la-tee-dah.

I’m surprised that I even talk to you people.

*eye roll*

For me its worth it for a million reasons.

Reason #1, I have a real tendency to beat myself up over everything.  Here’s an example:  The kids were napping and I had an opportunity to have a nice long relaxing shower. Alone. This is rare.  And instead of enjoying the shower, I started to give myself hell.

Why are there empty shampoo bottles in here?

Holy Crap, look at that soap scum build up on the shower door?

What is that pink stuff in the corner? Is it mould?

My nice long relaxing shower turned into me hating myself.  By the end of the shower, I am a terrible house keeper, an unfit mother and an idiot who doesn’t know how to use her time wisely.

So obviously, it saves us on therapy bills.

Reason #2,  I have a bad back.

I know.

How convenient.

But, its true.  After having Baby Bot, I ended up having a bulged disc. Which is awesome only in the sense that I no longer had to vacuume.  Honestly, I could wash a toilet with my bare hands, but make me vacuume….?

I’d rather pee gasoline on a bush fire.

Sorry. That was super crude.

But, its totally true. I would much rather pee gasoline on a bush fire.

Okay. That’s not totally true. But, you get my point.

Reason #3, to why we have a house cleaner, is because, I am a jerk.

Shocking.

Due to my “convenient” bulged disc, Zed had to do the vacuuming  And for the most part he did a fantastic job.  He really did.  But sometimes he forgot.

And then I would say to him, so very nonchalantly, “Honey, when was the last time you vacuumed?”

And then he would say, ” Gee, baby, I’m not sure….”

And then I would say, “Nine weeks, lovebug, its been nine weeks.”

And then he would say, “Really, sweetie. Wow.”

So, yes we have a house cleaner. And you should too.  It’s not only saving my self esteem, my body and my marriage, but I am also helping the economy.

But, don’t ask me that in 10 years when I realize that I have spent $12,000 on a clean home and only have $4,000 in my RRSP’s.

Which will probably then ruin my marriage, which will then affect my self esteem, which will then make me go to the gym to get skinny to find a new husband and then I will re injure my back and be broke.

Wait. I need to re think all this.